5 months in…
This year flew by. The months have come and gone in a blink. So much has gone on, it’s kind of all a blur.
Just finished my semester of school. I had my final exam last week and I’m pretty sure I aced it. I was debating on taking a summer class, but decided against it since I missed the entire summer last year with pneumonia. So I will register for the fall semester in a couple of months. 3 classes to go and I will have my Associate’s Degree.
I joined my company’s coed softball league and had my first game last week. I loved it. So fun. And I was most impressed with my performance since I’d never held a bat or worn a glove in my life. It can only get better.
Still going to Zumba 4 times a week (that’s going to hopefully increase now that school is over) and I’m now down 10 pounds since I joined WW in February. Feeling good.
I have recently started dating this guy that I met from Match. I was barely signed up for two weeks when he first contacted me. He is super nice and thoughtful and just the friendliest guy. He is 38, never been married, no kids, lives about 20 minutes away and teaches high school history. We’ve been on 3 dates the last 3 weeks. I don’t know if I’m coming or going, but I’m trying to be open and see what happens.
I’m leaving for Florida next weekend. Going down with Buttercup the week before my birthday for a much needed getaway. Between work and school and life, I need a serious break from reality. Gots to get my head together.
I am turning 35 on the 19th. Really surprised that I haven’t felt my usual woe-is-me about getting older. And still being single. And childless. And living with my mother. LOL. As if that’s not more than enough to warrant a pity party. But nope. Not yet. I’m not freaking out about this milestone birthday.
Perhaps because I’m at the best place I’ve ever been in my life. Even without a man. Even without kids. Even without the things I always thought I’d have by now.
I’m happy with just me. 
Dear Universe…
The guy for me should be:
1. Thoughtful
2. Kind
3. Funny
4. Hard working
5. Crazy about me
Thankyouvermuchindeed,
KT
Drive by Catch up…
This year has seriously flown by. I think this is the longest I’ve gone between blogging. Here goes…
I hate school. I like the class; the subject interests me. I just hate everything else about it. Mostly all the work. It’s a lot. Minimum 2 papers a week, and when you’re working full-time and living life, that’s pretty much impossible. It stresses me out to no end. I took my midterm a couple of weeks ago and I’m pretty sure I flunked it. Which I’ve never done and which I’m very unhappy about. I don’t want to work this hard to not do well.
My new nephew was born last month. He’s beautiful and looks just like my brother. I love new babies. They just smell so good and they’re so small. There’s something about holding a tiny baby that brings out all the mommy feelings in me. Chuckles is getting so big. He talks so much now. Totally in Greek which is adorable.
My nieces are doing great. Getting so big and smart. Both are in school now; PorkChop in Kindergarten since last fall, and GloWorm in Pre-school since February. I took them to see The Lorax recently and they had a blast. Promised to take them to Mirror Mirror when it comes out. I love getting to do these special things with them.
After a 6 month search, my new boss started the first week in March. And after 7 days, he promptly resigned. I knew after the second day that he wasn’t going to make it. He was not a good fit for the team or the company and totally out of his element. What a shit show. And now we start the recruiting process all over again.
I’ve lost 7 pounds in 6 weeks on Weight Watchers. Over a pound a week which isn’t too bad. I’m now exercising 5 times a week (Zumba 3 times and Yoga twice). I love the group classes. I’m not too concerned about the number on the scale because my body has changed so much in the last few months. And my feelings on weight have changed along with it. I no longer stress about how much I weigh. I know that if I make the right decisions the majority of the time when it comes to food then the weight will drop. There’s no timetable. No pressure. No diet. This is my new lifestyle. And it’s working for me.
I’m now fully recovered from last year’s health issues and all my surgeries. I had some tests done earlier this year, mammogram and colcoscopy among them, to rule out some scary things and I am in the clear. Relieved and in good health and ready to conquer the world.
My 35th birthday is fast approaching. May 19th. Write it down. I haven’t thought about it much and I kinda don’t want to. 35. It’s a big number. A scary number. So I’ll continue not to think about it just yet. My work girlfriends are taking me to NYC to celebrate. Actually, they just want to get me drunk. I’m looking forward to it.
Planning a trip to Florida with Buttercup for my birthday. Her family has a place down there. I really need to get away and veg out for a while. Haven’t had a real vacation since my last birthday. It’s looking like the week of Memorial Day right now as my class ends May 8. Cannot wait.
My team is going back to London in September and of course this means that the Fabulous Foursome is going to piggy back a long weekend somewhere (like we did Paris last time). In the running are Amsterdam and Monte Carlo. I’ll go anywhere as long as I’m with my gang.
My mother just booked her airfare to Greece this summer. So excited that she’s leaving for a month. And happy for her because it’s been over 10 years since she went back to see her family. Party at my house!
Budget-wise I have done amazingly since January. I’ve paid off half off my debt already, largely in part to a huge windfall I wasn’t expecting. I’ve also saved quite a bit. Not only will I be completely out of debt by the end of the year, I will have saved a big chunk towards a deposit on buying my own place. I’m working towards my own condo by next summer. Woot!
I’m ready to start dating. It’s slowly crept up on me. This readiness to put myself out there again. I want to wait a few more weeks until the majority of my school semester is over and then figure out a way to start dating again. Mostly likely, I’ll try another dating site and have tons of crazy first date stories to post about. LOL.
That’s about it in a nutshell, peeps. I know it’s a lot. But it’s all good.
Until next time…
My goings-on…
I’ve been keeping myself quite busy. In an effort to not be home and in bed at 5:20pm every night like a freakshow (that’s what I’ve been doing these last long months- spending way too much time in bed), I’ve gotten myself involved in various activities after work during the week. The plan is that this would keep me outta bed and stop me from eating all night long.
So on Monday nights I’ve started Zumba. It’s a dance exercise class that kicks my ass all over the place, but that I’m totally loving. I just started Yoga on Wednesday nights and let me tell ya, while it looks like it should be easy peasy, it’s anything but. I’m in school on Tuesday and Thursday nights with my Western Civilization class. Friday afternoons are reserved for the dreaded regular gym (and hour of treadmill, bike and elliptical). Friday nights are homework nights. And my weekends are reserved for my kids, friends, and relaxation.
I’ve also gone back to Weight Watchers and just came from my first meeting. I need the structure of tracking all my food and getting weighed in weekly. It’s the only way I can stay on plan.
I just completed my first week on this schedule and I’m pooped. Body is sore from all the exercise, but I feel good.
Except I’m really dreading all the homework I have to do today. 
Nothing much exciting to report…
How has a month passed since my last post already? Sheesh. I can’t keep up. And I’m seriously too lazy to write an entire post so you’re getting bullet points. Boo.
- Christmas was very nice this year. Went to my work husband’s house for Christmas Eve and had a lovely time with his family. They’re wonderful to me. Spent Christmas Day with my family. It was perfect.
- Had a low key NYE with one of my girlfriends eating pizza and watching a movie. Made it home to bed in time to watch the ball drop.
- My nieces had their birthdays the first week of January and my sister threw them a joint party. My entire family went for the first time ever. Mother, father, sister, brother and their fams. Kinda weird to have my mom and dad in the same room together after 20 years, but it was for the girls. Who had the time of their lives. They we so happy.
- My new nephew is due next month. Can’t wait to finally meet him.
- Work is good. My new boss should be starting in March so I’m looking forward things settling down at the office again.
- Got the a-okay to go back to the gym from my doctor so I’ve been hitting the treadmill 3 days a week after work. That combined with watching what I eat has accounted for me losing 4 pounds already since the start of the year.
- Registered for the Spring semester and will be taking one class this term just to get back into the swing of things. My Western Civilization class starts in a week.
And that’s about it in a nutshell. Laying low. Trying to keep warm. Reading a lot.
It’s all good.
Merry Christmas!
It’s seriously cold, folks. The temperature has dropped something fierce in the last few days. I can barely function in this 20 degree weather. Me thinks this winter is gonna be a brutal one.
Though I wouldn’t mind a tiny dusting of snow for Christmas. Tiny.
Can’t believe it’s Christmas already. Sheesh. Finished all my shopping in record time (though I really just gift the kids and my bff’s). Going to my work husband’s holiday party on Friday with some of my fave work peeps and then spending Christmas Eve with his family again.Will be home Christmas day with my mother and my siblings will bring the kids by for a bit. Nothing planned for NYE yet, but if I do something it’ll be low key.
Three more work days for me and then I’m on break until after the New Year. Looking forward to some down time (when I’m not recovering from a surgery!) My BFF’s are both off too so I’ll be out and about with them squeezing in some last minute fun.
Feeling great. Looking pretty good too, if I do say so myself. Happy to be closing out a rough year on a positive note.
Hope you all have a wonderful and safe holiday!
Much love,
KT
Faith for all seasons…
The dictionary defines faith as a ”strong or unshakeable belief in something, especially without proof or evidence.”
Faith has always played a very important part in my life.
As a little girl, it was all that kept me going most days. From growing up in a very abusive household, to my mother’s mental illness, to my sister’s Cancer and subsequent heroin addiction and all the other shit in between. Faith was all I had.
My faith has been tested many times. Times when I felt more alone than anyone else on Earth. Times when I didn’t understand how much more was I supposed to endure. Times when I couldn’t see a way out.
As bad as things got, and they got so incredibly bad at times, I always knew deep inside that someday the darkness and the pain and the fear would lessen. That someday there would be light.
Always.
And I held on to that faith with all my might.
Where does that faith come from? Certainly no one taught it to me. Was it instilled in me from birth? From God? I don’t know. I just know that it has always been there.
I may not know where it came from or how I came to hold on to it so tight, but I do know that I wouldn’t have survived without it. In my darkest moments, faith is what pulled me through.
Faith has been my constant companion. My comfort.
My saving grace in so many ways.
A little hope in my heart that wouldn’t let me give up.
A little voice inside me that told me things would get better.
I’ve always held on to that faith.
And faith has held on to me.
Where I’m at…
So Thanksgiving has come and gone. My holiday was so-so. Kind of a major letdown after last year. My family is not so great at togetherness and celebration. We spent all of an hour and a half together before going our separate ways. I ended up going to Miss Priss’s for dinner, and whilst I love them and am always grateful to be included, just wasn’t really into it this year.
Christmas is fast approaching. I’m really not looking forward to it. We do absolutely nothing for Christmas. No decorations. No tree. No gifts (except for the kids of course). No family dinner. Nada. And it always bums me out like nothing else. It bites.
I’m trying to make plans with some girlfriends for NYE. I do not want to sit home in bed crying into my champagne.
This year sucked. Big time. And while I don’t except much from the holidays, I sure as heck am gonna bring 2012 in the best way I can. Because I am not about to have another year like this one.
I’m back at work now. Pretty much recovered from my recent surgery. Feeling good.
Need to get back on track with my eating and exercise. I have no excuse now. While I can’t do too much yet, as I don’t have full clearance from the doc, I can certainly get my ass on a treadmill. I’m down to my last 20 pounds before I’m at my goal size. 20 pounds. After losing the amount of weight I have in the last several years, 20 pounds should be a breeze. But it’s not. It feels like so much right now. I’ve spent so many months (since early summer) in bed recovering from one thing or another that I’ve gotten really lax in what I put in my mouth. Gotten back into some bad habits. Am totally unmotivated. Have gotten way too comfortable spending my life in bed.
I need to snap out of it. 20 pounds. It’s really so little that it’s a shame not to make the effort.
And I’m not the old lady I’ve been living my life as for most of this year. I need to start doing things again. I’ve fallen into quite the rut. And I’m looking forward to going back to school in the spring. At least classes would keep me busy.
Wow this whole post sounds pretty negative. Which I’m not. I’m actually feeling good about things again. I just have some changes to make.
It’s all up to me after all.
Moving in the Right Direction…
I feel a change coming on.
It’s a subtle shift in my attitude. A definite improvement physically. A bit more positive in the mindset. All little moves, but significant.
I had my last and final surgery yesterday (God willing I won’t have to step foot in another hospital). It went great. I’m very pleased with the results and feeling really good. In another month I should be totally recovered and can put this final chapter behind me. Start a new year with a new me.
I’m coming back to myself. Rising up out of the crap hole this year turned into. Smiling more. Praying more. Feeling more comfortable with myself than ever before.
Good things are happening.
Thinking back…
This time last year, I was dating G, and seriously starting to open my heart to him. I truly put myself out there and shared myself for the first time. I was more honest than I’ve ever been. I had all these new feelings and experiences. It was exciting and scary and great. And then a few short months later things ended. Just like that. And I was crushed.
It took me months to get over it. Not him. Because while I cared for him more than I’ve ever cared for a guy, in hindsight, I realize that I had fallen in love with being in love. For the first time in my life, I gave a relationship a real shot. I put my insecurities and fears aside and I jumped in wholeheartedly. I was scared shitless, but I knew that I had to risk it all and see what I was made of. It was my chance. And I got so caught up in it all.
So it came as quite a blow, that while I was giving my all, I was giving it to someone not worthy. Someone who wasn’t looking for the same things. While G was the right guy at that time, he was not the right guy for me. He was a catalyst. He helped me see what I really wanted. He helped me realize that I am more than capable of giving myself to someone and having a healthy and loving relationship. He taught me not to settle for less than I deserve.
I’m grateful for the time we had. I learned so much about myself. I can look back on it all now and feel proud of myself for how I handled it. I wouldn’t change a thing. And now I’ve come full circle. After all these months, I’m finally ready to put myself out there again. I’m ready to meet someone. I’m ready to put my heart on the line. I’m willing to risk maybe getting hurt again.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
